The Iron Golem's Gut

Warning: Belly Stuffing and Bursting

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The Bell tolled three times!

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Everyone within earshot perked up excitedly. It was time! All the peasants have been waiting for this exact situation! The one that the King has been teasing about for all these months that led to today! He would speak of a grand event that would benefit anyone and everyone! He kept claiming that it would be the greatest event in the entire history! And finally, the bell tolled, as the King prophesied, and attracted all the civilians to the castle.

They all flooded through the gates, pushing through the knights as they approached the throne room rapidly, finding the king sitting proud on his Golden Throne.

The King rose from his throne and approached the crowd, his crimson robes dragging on the stone floor.

“My fellow servants,” the King began, “I assume you all heard the bells toll, yes?” The King asked, the crowd cheered wildly in response, “Excellent! So, here it is! The moment I’ve been teasing about all this time! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The moment announced by the bell tolls!”

“Just tell us already!”

“Bring her in boys!” The King exclaimed excitedly as he pointed to the iron doors behind him as the Rook Knights grabbed the handles and pulled the doors open.

The villagers watched as the doors swung open to reveal a large silhouette standing before the doorway. A rather curvy and voluptuous figure if the peasants do say so themselves.

“Come, my Dear and show yourself to all the waiting servants who came to see you!” the King invited the large figure over excitedly, watching it as it started to walk forward. The peasants’ brows rose in surprise as they saw the figure approach them and come into the light.

It was a large Golem made entirely of iron and yet as she moved, the iron seemed to bend and contort almost as if it were made of skin. Her figure was rather feminine with its large hips and such, ya know?

She stood tall over the villagers, towering over them all, including the dwarf King. Her hands placed firmly on hips as she awaited further instructions from the King, staring at him blankly.

“I introduce to you, our very own Iron Golem!” The King announced happily, throwing his hands to the large golem besides him, showing her off. A villager raised her hand, “Yes, what’s your question?”

“Who designed the look of the Golem?” the villager asked skeptically.

“Oh, I did!” The King admitted, the villagers ‘ohhh’ing in acknowledgement, “I drew the designs of the golem and the wizard and blacksmith made her into a reality, isn’t that right guys?” The King asked the blacksmith and wizard at the corner of the room. Both had their brows furrowed and their eyes judging, they nodded to confirm.

Another villager raised his hand, “what is the Golem’s function?” He asked.

“Excellent question, my dear servant!” The King complimented, “To answer your question, our Golem’s function will be to store food!” He exclaimed excitedly.

“Store Food.” The Golem repeated.

“Store food?” the peasants asked confused, scratching their heads.

“Store food!” The King confirmed excitedly, “and not only that, this Golem will also keep whatever food she devours fresh in her gut!” The King added, patting the Golem’s stomach, “Or should I say, her Iron Gut.”

“You didn’t make her out of iron just for that pun, right?” Asked a knight.

“No!” Denied the King, “The Pun was just an added bonus...” He stayed silent for brief moment, “Anyway! So that I can demonstrate how the Food will maintain fresh in her gut, I will have my chefs cook countless cakes and feed them to the Golem and within a week, we will all partake in cake in a grandiose festival! And you will all see how fresh and delicious the cakes have maintained!”

As he spoke, chefs coming in rolling trays filled with colourful and decorative cakes of all shapes and sizes, bring it up to the Golem. Once the cakes were brought within arm’s reach of the Golem, she would grab them and slide them into her maw.

Some of the villagers watched the Golem devour the cakes quickly, observing her waistline increase the more she ate. “Hey, how are we going to get the cakes out of her?” asked one of the more knowledgeable villagers.

“And how are we going to get it out unscathed and unsmooshed?” asked another.

“Don’t you worry about that!” The King assured loudly, “With the wizard’s help, we will get the cake out of the Golem’s gut unharmed!” He proclaimed, proudly patting the Golem’s increasing gut.

“Wait, why didn’t you make a magical containment unit that could keep our food fresh instead of making this golem?” Started one villager. “You could’ve enchanted a ton of containment units, mass produce it and sell it to us for a pretty penny.” “Yeah, it would’ve benefitted us more to have a small unit where I can put my foods in and keep nice and fresh for another day.” “Maybe even have it that it keeps our food cold as well for those of us who wants a nice, cold cup of water.”

“Are you guys done?” The King interrupted, not letting them answer, “Anyway! I give you my word, my servants, one week from now, you will have fresh cake ready to partake in and eat to your hearts content!” The villager cheered enthusiastically, regardless if the method of keeping their food cold was unorthodox at best.

One week from then.

“Oh sweetie~” The King called as he entered the chambers the Golem resided in, approaching the massive figure lumbering at the end of the room, surrounded by empty trays, “I see you’ve grown a bit bigger since last week, yes?”

This was clearly an understatement, what was previously a small pudge last week had expanded into an exaggerated iron orb that laid on the ground between the Golem’s legs, sounds of plates of iron shifting and bending echoed through the chambers. Her arms laid limp by her sides as she stared at the King a tad lazily. A week full of devouring cakes has clearly left its mark on the Golem, in more ways than one. “Yes.” She responded to the rhetorical question.

“So, are we ready to give the civilians their long awaited cakes?” The King asked excitedly, rubbing his hands.

“No,” The Golem responded.

“That’s right we-what?” The King asked in the middle of celebrating.

“I have counted the number of peasants in this Kingdom, and there are not enough cakes to give to them all,” She explained with a raised hand, “My solution? More Cake.” She suggested.

“What are you talking about? My chefs and bakers have been working nonstop to bake as many cakes as possible within a week. They assured me they made enough cake to feed the village twice!” The King protest loudly.

“They are wrong,” the Golem corrected, “Not enough cakes to give around.”

The King was dumbfounded, there was no way his chefs could’ve miscalculated how many villagers there has been. Especially since they have been cooking way before the grand reveal last week, so there must be enough cakes in that Golem to feed a village. Twice!

Something smelled fishy...

The King trudged to the kitchen where all the chefs and bakers were relaxing in.

“Alright guys, we have a problem here.” Everyone stared in confusion, “The Golem claims you guys miscalculated and didn’t make enough cakes to feed all the villagers.” The King was met with an uproar.

“That’s bullcrap!” Yelled one chef.
“We made enough cakes to feed an entire dragon,” claimed another.
We could feed three kingdoms with all those cakes in that Golem if we wanted to!” Another added.

“I know, I know, I smell foul play too,” the King assured, “But regardless, we’re going to have to make more cake. Hurry up though, we don’t want the peasants to be waiting too long, alright?” The chefs and bakers groaned in agreement.

The King huffed to the dining hall, his stubby legs used to only so much pacing around. Entering, all the villagers cheered, hoping the King has great news about the upcoming cakes. The King raised his hand to try and stop the villagers from getting louder.

“Now, now, I have brought some bad news people,” he spoke, seeing the joy melt out of the faces of his servants, “Unfortunately, the Golem will not give up the cakes in her gut because she believes there won’t be enough to feed you all.” He explained. The villagers groaned.

“I knew it!” One elderly villager spoke heading to the door, “That’s why I came prepared!” He announced as he wheeled out a large cart filled with pastries, “I have enough cakes and pastries here to feed everyone!”

“Everyone?” The King asked intrigued.

“Everyone!” The elder confirmed, finding the King’s arm quickly wrap around him and pulled to the away from the cheering crowd.

“Listen, I suspect the Golem might be deliberately going against my orders and not giving us the cakes despite her having enough.” The King explained.

“You don’t say,” the elder said.

“Yes, now,” continued the King, “If you are correct on their being enough cakes to feed everyone... how about we test it and feed the Golem and see if she is being honest or if she has been a lying con-golem the whole time. So what do you say?”

“Whatever will bring my people the cakes they were promised, I’ll help.” The elder offered.

“Excellent! Good news everyone! Your local elder has offered to help with the Golem problem! Not only will you receive these pastries he brought, but you’ll also get all the cake you were promised!” The King cheered, all the villagers cheered with him as they watched the King lead the elder into the Chamber doors with the cart.

In the Chamber were the Golem laid, the King has found the chefs wheeling in cakes one by one to the Golem who would swiftly scoop them up and slide the cakes into her mouth, her gut having grown a significant amount, the metal groans sounding stronger now. The elders jaw nearly dropped as he saw the stuffed monstrosity before him.

“She has been consumed by Greed,” he said mysteriously.

“Okay,” the King responded approaching the Golem, “My dear, it seems you have gained a considerable large amount of cakes in your gut, would you say you have enough now to feed the villagers?” He asked.

“The Golem paused, a cake held in her hand, her gaze slowly dropping on the King as she spoke, pushing each word out, “No... not... enough... cakes...” she proceeded to shove the next into her maw, her gut straining as it was forced to grow further.

“Well we got a way to fix that!” The King exclaimed, “We have here a cart with tons of cakes, and pastries! Enough to feed the whole village, as this kind elder exclaims.” He spoke, catching the Golem’s attention. Watching her as she reached to grab the cart, dragging it over to her and lifting it up.

“Unlikely...” she proclaimed, “But I’ll... keep them fresh... in my gut... like ordered.” She stated, lifting the cart, dropping all the treats and sweet into her open mouth, forcing them all down into her tightly compacted iron gut.

“So how about now? You got enough for the villagers?” The King asked smug.

But she didn’t answer, her attention was on her gut, where all the problems were surging from. She had pushed her limits too far and now she felt her gut coming apart, all the pressure held within her gut becoming too strong to be held back any longer. Her gut roared in pain as the trembling pressure was growing into a crescendo. It was tearing her up from her sides and there was nothing she could do about it. Except for one thing.

“Yes!” She announced in a panic, “There’s enough in me to feed everyone!” She clawed her belly to hopelessly try and pull it together. “The grand feast can begin! Get the wizard now!” She pleaded as her gut began pushing outward forcefully.

“Excellent!” The King exclaimed happily, finding himself alone in the Chambers with an over pressurized iron tank increasing rapidly in size. “I will get the wizard im-“

Suddenly an ear-splitting explosion tore through the castle, shrapnel of iron ripped through the walls as it eradicated everything the explosions path.

All that was left was a golden crown, and a dirty dining room table. The elder had managed to evacuate everyone out of the castle safely, leaving only one casualty in the ever mysterious explosion within the castle walls.

Only the elder knows what happened, but he won’t speak of it. But regardless, everyone will remember that day as The Day it Rained Cake and Pastries. The all rejoiced.

The King kept his promise.